Every family has those members that choose to do wrong or whose lifestyle is more than questionable to you and your spouse’s idea of how to raise your children. Many people are in a quandary about how to deal with a problem such as this when it affects your family.
This article was designed to show how you can deal with it and how to appropriately address the situations as they come. It is important to remember that every decision you make directly affects the life and perception of your children.
Effective Parenting: How to Handle Common Conflicts
There will always be that family member who wants to defy whether it is on your side or your husband’s. It could be a close family member or a distant family member… it really depends.
Some of the more common conflicts that arise are difference in raising children. This other person may have VERY different views than yours. For example, you have rules and reward systems whereas the other person does not. Your kids eat their veggies and brush their teeth but the other person (when visiting) allows their kids to call the shots and order fast food because they don’t want to eat vegetables. This can obviously cause a problem in front of your kids and affect your parenting abilities.
This is only one of the many things parents complain about regarding their families. In this case it is easily solved. You should stand up for your children and simply state that this behavior will not be tolerated in your home. They either need to leave until they can come back and act appropriate to the situation or only get together when you are already going out so that everyone can choose their own food.
This will show your children that you are not just thinking of their health but you also care about the other family members as well. If the other children are not held to the same standards in your home then your children may feel as if they are getting treated unfairly. Favoritism should never be displayed.
Effective Parenting: When to Draw the Line
There are timed when a line needs to be drawn. Such as drug use, adultery, and other foul things that go against your moral values. If these things are being blatantly displayed in front of your children then it is your duty to stop it. Taking care of family is noble but for those that don not want to be saved or helped it is impeditive that you show your children that it will not, under any circumstances be tolerated. This will show them that bad is bad and there is not gray area involved. First try to help the person involved but if that fails, you must, for your children’s sake, stop subjecting them to this behavior.
There are so many elements that are harmful to your child that should at all costs be avoided… this even means if you have to keep a person dear to you away until either A) your children are grown and out of the house B) the person gets the appropriate help and has changed their ways.
Effective Parenting: Communication
This is absolutely vital to your relationship with your child. You should be able to express yourself, and they to you, without feeling bad for it.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make today is thinking that their children need more space and this ‘has’ to mean less one on one time talking with you. If anything, kids today need to be reassured that you care and always will- and this is not accomplished by saying it once or twice a year but by everyday in our actions and words that say to them “I care who you are, who you want to be, who is influencing you, and who you are hanging around with.”
If you fall asleep at the wheel your child’s life can become a horrific wreck that could’ve been avoided with a little love and a little parental control. Remember, we above all, shape our children’s lives and if outside influences are strongly affecting their lives then it is us who have failed them. We are around them everyday and involved in their lives more than any other, so this is no excuse.
Effective Parenting: Last Resort
Last resorts are just that, last resorts. If the people in our families are negatively impacting our children, or raising their kids to be exact opposites and flaunting it in their faces then it is up to us to stop it. I have heard many parents say “well, there was nothing I could do about it… they were gonna see this behavior anyway.” In regards to what their children were subjected to. This is nothing more than a cop-out.
You control what is around your child. If you are not getting through to your kid about severely BAD influences at school that have repeatedly caused trouble then it is time to sacrifice and either put your kid in a private school or teach them yourself. If their cousins are teaching them bad or nasty things that you don’t approve of and the parents still do nothing after complaining then refuse to allow them around your kids until it changes.
When you have a child it becomes your responsibility to do whatever is necessary to ensure the right upbringing and moral stability involved with raising that child, even if it means sacrificing popularity or even your own family.
Effective Parenting: In Closing
It is tough being a parent. It means that you alone are to blame if you choose to over look the important decisions when it comes to creating a stable environment for your kids. But, it is YOUR responsibility as a parent! You have no one else to blame if your child grows up to be a criminal, or just a unstable person that society can do without. That is one of the key problems with parents today, they just don’t care about the kids; it’s more of a trophy or status instead of a life long commitment that takes a lot of love and sacrifice.